It was the end of a very long couple of weeks. The YWAM Oak Haven Auction/Gala had taken a ton of mental energy. I’ve managed multiple large events but never an auction. So even though I was thrilled with the fact we had 63 auction items I wasn’t fully aware of the amount of mental strain that it would take out of me on the night of the actual event.

But I also knew my role was not over. I still needed to organize thank you cards and finalize any items that had not yet been collected. As you can imagine my brain was on overload.

The morning after the Gala we gathered with the Island Breeze team for worship and communion. They had driven multiple miles and represented islands from all over the world. And they had come to show our guests at the Gala a taste of what the Love of Christ looks like from the Islands. It had been so beautiful to see and oh how it made my heart ache for Kailua-Kona.

However, as our time with them came to a close my sweet Amara Joy clung to her new found friend, who was the granddaughter of Island Breeze’s team leader. As I nudged her away I could see the pain seared across my daughters eyes once again. So many she has made deep connections with. Friends all over the world she has had to say goodbye to. That heart wrenching goodbye, over and over again.

We drove away and my heart grew heavy. There I was feeling overly exhausted from a very busy few weeks and my six year old daughter sat quietly with a far away look in her eyes, that someone much older usually has. She was hurting and there was nothing I could do about it.

We picked up the other kids and headed to the main store in Siloam Springs, AR . . . Walmart. After picking up a few things we headed towards Esperanza’s job for their Pre-school Thanksgiving potluck (yes it’s true, Esperanza technically has a job on Wednesday afternoons helping a friend with her pre-school. Esperanza is a natural kid magnet and organizer).

As we were leaving the Walmart parking lot there stood a girl and her Dad with a sign that read FREE KITTENS. Of course all of my kids began the pleading .

“Mom, please can we get one? PLEASE MOM PLEASE?”

Now I remind you that ever since leaving our beloved cat in Hawaii our children have been asking for another one. And Esperanza had even been saving up for a dog, but as we’ve been traveling so much she decided to quit the pursuit of ever believing for a dog (awh my heart breaks again).

So here I am, fully exhausted from the past week, heart in shambles because my daughter said yet another goodbye to a friend and there they were . . FREE KITTENS.

Not exactly sure what came over me but I hear myself say “Sure, why not. Lets even get two so they have company.”

Wait . . . Did I say that in my outside voice?

I turned the car around and we were heading to the FREE KITTENS. My kids jumped out of the car and ran to their cage. The kittens were so tiny and adorable. My kids melted right there in front of my eyes.

What was I doing? Had I really thought this through?

It was already too late, they had picked out the two they wanted to bring home and before I could process what was happening we had two little kittens snuggled in Esperanza and Gryphin’s arms. Amara stroked and chatted with the cat in Gryphin’s arms as we drove to our preschool potluck.

As we got closer to the potluck I began to realize I had made a very rash decision. What was I thinking? We were about to leave for 10 days during Christmas and then we will be leaving on outreach the end of April for 8-10 weeks.

Were we really ready to take on two more kittens?

Openly I began to say “Wow, I was not thinking.”

But their faces beamed every time the kitten moved or meowed. How could I change my mind now?

We arrived at the potluck and brought in two new kittens. Who does that? Who brings kittens they just picked up from the side of the road to a potluck? Ahhh me I guess.

Throughout the potluck I kept telling my friend.

“I really did not think this through. Hmmm I wonder how my husband is going to respond.”

After arriving home Bruce agreed with me that I had not thought the whole thing through but we had them now. And all four children were surrounding the two fluffy kittens on the floor talking about what their names should be (which took a solid hour).

What was I going to do now? Well they needed a litter box and food. So off to the store I went. But before heading to the store I dropped by the YWAM Light House to sort a few things out from the fundraiser.

After sharing what I had just done one of our YWAM Staff, she asked asked; “Kara, aren’t you living in a rental? Do they let you even have pets?”

Oh my goodness, I hadn’t even thought about that aspect. Oh no what had I done? Me . . . the planner hadn’t even considered talking to our landlord.

My phone vibrated, Bruce asked;

“Have you asked Denise?” (Our landlord).

My head dropped and their questions swirled in my head as I headed outside. As soon as I got in my car I text our landlord. Knowing what his answer would be my heart grew heavy. The home we are currently living in is a beautiful two-story AirBNB. The landlord is only letting us live here for an incredible price because he’s been running his AirBNB with all our furniture in it while we were in Belize, Guatemala and Mexico for five months.

When the answer came across my screen I text my husband the news. My heart dreaded what was coming next. Leaving the store I drove back down the backroads to our house.

Reaching towards the door I could hear the activity of my children inside. I cracked the door open and I peeked inside. The air in the room felt stale and dense. The joy and excitement had evaporated.

They knew.

As I walked in Esperanza stated mater of factly.

“We know mom.”

She grabbed one of the kittens and headed towards the car. Gryphin bolted upstairs with a long face and Amara began to weep. Zoe stood in a daze and began to whimper as she looked at her older sister bawling her eyes out.

“I’m never going to let them go Mom, NEVER!” Amara belted out as we headed towards the car.

The entire way back to Walmart the wails continued from the backseat.

By now it had been over several hours since we had gotten the kittens. Would the father and daughter still be in the parking lot giving away the last of their FREE KITTENS?

As we got closer I instantly knew the answer. They were gone. It was going to be us on the side of the road with the sign. Agh, this was not going to be fun.

I hustled into the store for a pen and a box from the back storage room . After retrieving the first one I could find I wrote FREE KITTENS. My heart sank. Why had I ever seen these words in the first place?

I headed towards the car where my girls sat in agony.

We drove over to the main exit/entrance of Walmart and slowly my girls came out clutching their prized possess. Both kittens were quietly snuggled in Amara and Esperanzas arms oblivious to what was transpiring.

Esperanza and Amara sat on the curbside with the kittens and I held the sign. Zoe swirled around flinging her dress from side to side watching the on coming traffic. The first person to stop tried to give us money. I couldn’t believe it, they thought we were homeless. That helped to lighten the mood for me but my girls were not amused.

The second person that stopped wanted the kitten in Amara’s arms. The screams and sobs overtook her as I pried the little kitten from her hands. Walking over to the van I handed the kitten to a woman and her daughter through their van window with a hysterical Amara Joy behind me.

Esperanza took pity on Amara and handed her the kitten in her arms. She took the sign from my hands, she just wanted the whole process to be over.

We stood there, what seemed like forever but was probably only 15 minutes, when a homeless woman approached. She had been asking for money only 15 yards or so away from those that had just pasted us on the side of the road. Yet as she approached and starting talking with us I soon realized she had been watching the drama unfold the entire time. She couldn’t take it any more.

She said she lived out of her car and didn’t have the money to take care of a cat but really wished she could do something. She hated to see a girl so upset. I shared that our landlord didn’t want a cat in the house, sparing her the other details. She wished us luck and I thought that was the end.

But a few minutes later she was right beside us speaking out her passenger side window from her clearly lived in van.

“Hey my mom takes in strays, I can bring the kitten to her. She absolutely loves kittens.”

The homeless woman reached her arms towards us and smiled a toothless grin.

“I sure hate seeing your daughter so upset. Y’all need to be getting home.”

Unsure what to think about this predicament but I did agreed with her that this needed to end soon! For everyones sanity. Taking the fragile kitten into my hands I handed it over to the homeless woman.

The screams and wailing continued from Amara’s lips. And now Zoe had joined the tears and sobbing. Pulling them both into our car we headed back home.

How had the day turned into such a fiasco? All the emotions my poor children suffered. Amara starting the day with saying a gut wrenching goodbye to another lost friend then feeling kittens in her grasp quickly ripped away. My heart ached inside of me.

Lord, is it time to settle? Where are we to settle if it is? We had felt settled in Hawaii and then a huge shift occurred (click here to read more). To be honest Bruce and I still long to be back in Hawaii because we did feel settled there. But that season has ended so then the question is, will we ever be fully settled?

Arriving back to our house Bruce had to rush off to get the rest of the items for dinner. In just a few short hours we were hosting a couple from the Island Breeze team who had not yet left and our YWAM campus leaders.

Hmmm was this the best timing for this? Well it was set and Bruce was taking the lead on food so I snuggled kids on the couch while he prepared for our guests.

Throughout the next few days and even weeks we’ve had full on tears and heart wreaked emotional moments from each child. Gryphin wept himself to sleep that first night.

Esperanza was angry and then broke down and cried in my arms sharing that they will never have an animal because we are in missions. She wasn’t angry that we were in missions just broken because of her desperate desire for an animal.

I couldn’t help but think that all their emotions weren’t just about a couple cats but instead they were feeling the loss of having to say goodbye to so many over the last year. And the reality over the last several years.

Yes our children have gotten to travel the world and have so many exciting experiences. But like many of your children they long to have their own nest and be settled.

Is that the plans the Lord has for us? I really don’t know. Moses and his wife left their family and headed into the unknown to go where God called them to go. The Israelites followed the pillar of fire into the desert in hopes for the promise land. Jesus’ disciples traveled two by two all over to preach the gospel.

What are we called to do?

Follow His still small voice and Go where He says to go and stay where He says to stay. No mater what. For He is worthy of it all. HE IS WORTHY OF IT ALL!

So that is what we will do. We feel our kids pain and if the Lord says to fully settle somewhere we will. Until then we will walk them through the heartache of saying goodbye to those we come into deep connections with. Because relationships (even with animals) are worth the heartache. People are worth loving for short or long seasons. God loves them all and wants us to love them too, He will fill the gaps when they are gone and expand your heart to love more.

May this holiday season we all find room to love more and love deeper! Not allowing the fear of loss or pain hold us back but instead allowing the love of Jesus to propel us forward in an overwhelming love for His creation.